An Intuitive lifestyle...

The toughest thing about going off a diet was the fear that I was going to gain a hundred pounds.  Since that hasn't happened in over two years I'm very relieved.  The next hardest thing has been accepting the "making up for lost time eating" that my body has demanded since I deprived myself (if even only in my mind) for so many years.  As the pounds slowly crept on it was so terrifying to me that I was never gonna get this "intuitive eating" thing down.  I only recently realized that because of my dieting,  my body became an efficient fat storer.  Basically my metabolism has been severely compromised from deprivation and lack of rest. Even though that is devastating to me I know that another diet would simply would even make it worse and I trust that eventually my metabolism and health will balance itself out.  And now I know I will not end up like my mom who gained a hundred pounds after going on ten diets.   It has taken patience and a great deal of acceptance to not just go back on a diet and cave into the world of diet addiction- running from my feelings through the obsession of managing my body.  For most of my life I was addicted to the power that I felt by keeping myself at a low weight, which to me meant being the best 'commodity' ever.  I can't tell you how hard it is that all of my past behaviors have now come back to haunt me.  he fear of hunger that I got from 20 years of dieting makes me eat chips before every meal and it has resulted in an extra 15 pounds for now, but at least I will not gain a hundred pounds thanks to the miracle of learning how to eat intuitively.  The good news is I no longer wake up worrying about how to stay thin and obsessing about my body.  It seems like I have so much more time to do the things I want to do and I'm much more available for the people in my life.  After many months  I'm actually beginning to feel more comfortable with the size of my body and my weight.   For the first time since I went of a diet I have turned a corner and am no longer eating the chips before every meal, my body and I are learning how to trust each other.  When I listen to what my body wants and not my mind, it opens a door for me to let go and trust the miracle of all of those 3 trillion cells.  This journey has been an exciting and scary process for me, and so far it feels so much better than living constant war of mind against body and mind against mind.